vaccination vexation

(This is not a post about vaccinating versus not vaccinating your kid.  I'm not touching that topic with a ten foot pole cause it makes me enraged.  But if you're curious, this post by an actual doc pretty much sums up my opinion on that topic.)

So Sadira turned four in November.  But because of scheduling glitches from two years ago, she had to wait until January (and the new health insurance year) to go to her annual well-child appointment. 

And well-child appointment means time for her vaccination boosters.

I don't think there's a parent alive who doesn't loathe taking their child to the doctor's for a check-up.  It's especially annoying when you're a working parent and you have to take time off to do it.  (Grrrr, if I'm going to take time off of work, I want it to be for something fun, dammit!)  But it's a necessary part of life, and preventative care is a wonderful thing, so we do it.

This past year's appointment left me with a perplexing question: Now that's she's four, and much more AWARE of the world around her, do I tell Sadira ahead of time that she's going to the doctor, and deal with the subsequent incessant whining/crying?  Or do I lull her into a false sense of security and orchestrate a surprise attack, waiting to the very last second to reveal her fate?

I took the coward's way out and opted to keep the purpose of our trip a secret.

Which is difficult, considering the doctor's office is in the complete OPPOSITE direction of everywhere else we typically go.  So here we are, on a random Tuesday morning, hopping on the beltway in the OPPOSITE direction.

Sadie: "Mommy, how come we're not going to Janet's?"

Me: "Oh, we are honey, we just have a quick errand to run first..."

Sadie: "Oh cool! Is it going to be fun?"

Me (feeling like a horrible person): "Uhhh, sure, maybe it will be honey, we'll see..."

Sadie: "Awesome! Where are we going?"

Me: "Uhh..umm, Sade, well, you'll see soon..."

Sadie: "It's a SURPRISE!?!?"

Me (feeling like even MORE of a horrible person): "Ummmm...kinda, I guess...you could say that, maybe..."

Sadie: "Yay!! I love surprises, Mommy!!!"

Shit.

The next 15 minutes consisted of her rattling off all the wonderful places she thought her Mommy--who she loves soooo much!--could possibly be taking her for this wondrous mid-week surprise.

Oh boy.

And as we turned onto Fairmont Avenue, reality set in as she saw the doctor's office.  The color drained from her face as she said feebly, "Mommy...wait...where are we?...I thought we were going somewhere fun.."

And then...

"THIS ISN'T FUN, THIS IS DOCTOR BODNAR'S OFFICE!!!!!"

{Cue sobbing}

But this wasn't the typical temper tantrum crying.  It was the dramatic, woe-is-me, sorrowful, my-heart-is-broken-how-could-you-betray-me kind of tears.  The kind that make you feel terrible.

I typically don't feel horrible (in that mom guilt kind of way) about taking her the doctor's.  It's for her own benefit.  It's for her HEALTH.  It's a good thing, and although annoying and inconvenient at times, it's not something I feel bad about.

When I hear my friends talk about how hard it is for some of them to take their kids to get shots...about how it breaks their heart to see their kids cry, and how terrible they feel afterwards, so guilty and sad that they had to put their child through that pain...well, I just shrug and think to myself, "I guess I have an ice cold heart...cause I just don't react that way." I feel bad for THEM (my friends..and the kids too, I suppose [not really]), but I don't ever experience that myself.

Even when Sadira was just a week old and went to the doc's for her first well check, I still didn't feel bad when she got shots.  I actually kind of liked that I got to swoop in and be the savior and comfort her when it was all over. 

Same thing when she was 18 months, and then 2 years.  I didn't feel bad at all.  "Buck up, you're alright, it's only gonna hurt for a second," is my typical mantra, and then when the tears start I'm ready to dish out the hugs.

I never feel bad about it actually.

When she was three she surprised us all when Nurse Nikki tried to perform a sneak attack with the shots, and Sadira whipped her head around so fast and screamed at her, "What the hell are you doing to me, crazy?!"

Yeah, I had some 'splainin to do after that one...

But this year, as my very astute, and observant four year old stood on the sidewalk out front of the doctor's office and cried big old alligator tears, I felt bad.

I felt awful actually.

Not because I felt bad that she had to get shots that day, but because she felt like I deceived her.  And I didn't like that one bit.

"Look Sade, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you we were coming to the doctor's office today, but I didn't want you to worry.  We just going to go in there and see Doctor Bodnar for a few minutes, and then we'll be finished," I tried to reason with her.

"Will I have to get shots?" she asked.

"I'm not sure Sade, I really don't know.  But if you do, it'll be okay.  It'll only hurt for a second."

Sorrowful tears continued...

...so I resort to the oldest parenting tactic in the book.



"And if you just calm down, afterwards we can stop by Starbucks and I'll get you a cakepop, okay?"

Ahhh, bribery!

My little champ took a deep breathe, her voice still shaky, "okay Mama...but I really don't want to get shots today..."

"I know baby, but it's up to Doctor Bodnar, okay?"

She nodded. 


So in we marched, me and my miserable little sidekick, who was no longer sobbing, but had the longest, saddest, most forlorn looking expression on her face, EVER.

And as we got on the elevator, there was another child and his mom heading up to the doctor's.

"Are you going to the second floor too?" she asked us.

"Yes," Sadira replied, "I'm going to Doctor Bodnar's office, but I'm not getting shots today."

"Oh okay!" the other mom said cheerfully.


As we walked up to the desk to check in, the receptionist asked Sadie's name.  I let her answer for herself, because she hates when people speak for her (this is true in restaurants, too).

Sadie spoke up, "Sadira Mirjafary....and I'm NOT getting shots today."

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, "oh yeah?  Okay, that's good to know," and sent us to the waiting room to wait our turn.


A few minutes later, out came nurse Nikki, calling Sadira's name to "come on back."

"And how are we today, big girl?" she asked Sadie.

Sadie stared up at her, untrustingly.  She's been through this routine before, "I'm fine.  And I don't want any shots today, okay?"

"Oh you don't?" Nurse Nikki looked down at her.

Sadira was firm, "No I do not. NONE.  Okay?"

Nurse Nikki laughed and told Sadira to step up on the scale.  After getting her height and weight, she sent us into our room to wait for the doctor.

"Why did she laugh, Mama?  I don't like that.  I don't want those shots today..." Sadira said ruefully.

"We'll just have to wait and see baby, okay?"  I knew from the paperwork I had been handed that she was due for four boosters, so her hopeful bubble was about to be burst.


A few minutes later, the good Doctor game in.  Our pediatrician is simply the sweetest thing.  He reminds me of my grandfather with his grey beard and sweet, laid back demeanor.  He's frank and honest, and always makes you feel like the best mom in the world.  I still remember when Sadie was just a week old and I was tired and bewildered and still recovering from my C-section and he hugged me and said, "You're doing a pretty great job at this motherhood thing, Mom."  He's just great, and I always feel like he and I are on the same team.

I was happy to see him when he walked in, and he seemed happy to see us (as he always does). 

"Well hellloooo there, Sadira!  How are you doing this morning?"

She stared up at him and took a deep breath before stating her case, "I'm good Doctor Bodnar, but I do NOT want to get any shots today, okay?  I do NOT."

He chuckled and replied, "you know, I heard that you had some strong feelings about those shots.." (I guess news travelled fast through the office...)

I made myself comfortable for what I knew would be the impending speech.  The kind, yet firm speech about how shots aren't the most fun things in the world, but they keep us healthy, so we have to make sure we get them on time, and "it'll only hurt for a second," and "you'll get to pick out a sticker and lollipop when it's all over."

But that's not what he said.

INSTEAD, I heard him say, "Well, Sadira, I appreciate that you want to take such an active role in your own health.  And would really much prefer that you tell me all about how school and dance and soccer and all of the other things are doing are going...and if you promise to do the hearing and seeing games this time, we can skip the shots."

Then he looked at me and said, "You can bring her back another time just for the vaccinations, okay Mom?"

SAY WHAT?!  I have to go through this AGAIN??? Take ANOTHER morning off of work, and bring her in for ANOTHER APPOINTMENT????


I wanted to say, "NOOOO!! No, that's NOT okay Doctor Bodnar!  C'mon man, don't make me do this again!  You're supposed to be on MY side, remember??!!  Let's just get this over with!"

But I didn't.

The victory grin on Sadira's face was entirely too much.  There was no going back.  If I didn't agree with this new plan, I would certainly be worse than any Disney villain ever created.  Millificent and Mother Gothel would be tame little field mice compared to the evil Nasrene, who forced Sadira to get shots even when the doctor gave her an out...

So I said, "okay..."


Sadira was ecstatic.  She couldn't believe she had successfully controlled her own destiny.  She answered all of the doc's questions like a champ, let him check every inch of her without so much as a peep of protest, told him ALL about school, showed off some of her soccer and dance moves, and practically skipped into her vision and hearing screening.

Doctor Bodnar pulled me aside, "I hope you don't mind, Mom, but she's such a bright little thing, I really wanted to get a chance to talk to her 'un-stressed,' you know?  Especially since this is such a big year, with starting school...and now we've finally gotten these screenings out of the way."

Yeah, yeah...whatever.

We left that day without getting any shots, but with a raincheck for a follow-up appointment five months later.

I explained to Sadira, "since you didn't get your shots today, we will have to come back another day and get them, okay?  You are not home free, my friend.  You just were spared today."

She didn't care.  She had stared down the barrel of her fate, tested it defiantly and won.  There was no tarnishing this sweet sweet victory.

I, on the other hand, was not so jubilant at the thought of a SECOND appointment, and dreaded having to go through this whole process again when that day came.



Well, last Thursday that day came.

I once again was faced with the choice...to tell her or not tell her?  That was the question.

Surely she was going to be MISERABLE that today was the day.  The single and only purpose of this appointment was to get these shots---obviously there was no backing out, or delaying this time.

I decided to take a different approach.

I woke her up, and after she got dressed I got ready to tell her.

I took a deep breath.

"Sade, I have to tell you something, okay?  Remember when we went to the doctor's the last time and he told you didn't have to get your shots that day?  But we had to make an appointment to get them another time?  Well that other time is today.  We have to go to Doctor Bodnar's office this morning and get those shots, okay?  I'm really sorry.  Mommy doesn't want to have to go either, but we have to.  It won't take long, and when it's over, you can get a cakepop from Starbucks, and I'll drop you off at Janet's okay?"

She listening quietly.  Sadly.

Then without so much as a sniffle, said, "Okay Mommy."

I was prepared for an argument, "Sade, I know it's not fun, and not the way you want to start your day, but I promise it will only hurt for a second, okay?  It'll be over before you can count to ten, okay?"

And as I explained, she calmly walked away and got her shoes on.  She didn't need any further explanation.  She was melancholy, but not hysterical.  The sobbing, weeping, and protesting that I was prepped for never came.  And instead she quietly walked down the stairs, followed me out to the car, and climbed in her carseat, without one single word of protest.

The car ride to the doctor's office was silent.  No tears, no negotiating.  Nothing.  Just silence, as she stared out of the window in the backseat.

When we parked the car at the doctor's office, there was one little moment.  One brief, fleeting little moment as she was getting out of the car.  She scrunched her nose up, and her little mouth turned down into a sad frown, "Mommy, I really don't want to do this..."

"I know baby, but it will be so fast, and then we'll be finished.  You're such a big girl now, you can handle it."

And like a little patriot marching into battle, she stoically following me into the building, up the elevator, and into the office.

"Sadira Mirjafary," she told the receptionist.

And when Nurse Nikki called us back, there were no words of protest, no tears of hysteria, just a solemn faced little four year old, ready to handle the day's task.

Four shots, four bandaids, two stickers, and just a couple whimpers later, we were out of there. 

There were no tears that day.  Just a brave little girl who looked the other way when it was time to get her shots.  A little whimper of "ouch!" four times, and that was it.


I couldn't believe it.


We stopped at Starbucks and got her treat.  I told her how impressed I was, and how much of a big girl she was.  I told her it was obviously because she was almost five that she handled it so well.  Big girls can handle stuff like that.

She agreed.

And as we drove back she said thoughtfully, "Hey Mommy, you know what?  I think since I'm almost five and such a big girl, I'm going to start calling you 'Mom,' not 'Mommy' or 'Mama,' okay?"

"You can still call me Mama and Mommy when you turn five, Sades..."

"Nah.  When you're big, you just say 'Mom.'  And I'm almost five, you know?  I'm big now."



:-(

She's big now. 

She can get her shots without crying, and she doesn't want to call me Mommy anymore.

Who would've thought that on the day she had to get her shots, we'd be driving back and I'd be the one crying in the car?

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namaste

Participate in Solstice in the Square on my 30th Birthday - DONE!

So, I've been practicing yoga off and on since college, but I never really considered myself a die hard, because I was mostly taking "gym yoga" classes, not actually going to a studio.  About three months ago I started taking Bikram Yoga classes, inspired by this project to try something new and step out of the box. 

However, I was really concerned that I wouldn't make it through the class.  The Bikram Yoga classroom is heated to 105 degrees, kids.  That's HOT.  People usually report lightheadedness and nausea during their first class.

Oh HEELLLL no, Nasrene doesn't tolerate nausea.  I have an irrational fear of throwing up.  I will never be the girl to hold your hair while you're puking. Never. I apologize, but I will be running away from you as quickly as possible.

So naturally I prefer to avoid ANY activity that may even SLIGHTLY make me feel as if I am going to throw up. Can't handle it.

Anyway, when I realized that my fear of throwing up was holding me back from TRYING Bikram yoga, I had a serious chat with myself.  And came to the conclusion that I was being ridiculous.

So I tried it.

And the first class was...rough.   But good. I wanted to make it through the whole class without running out into the air conditioned lobby, and I did.  I was silently wondering when the hell this torture would be over in my head, but I did it.   I made it through.

And I sweated more than I've ever sweat in my entire life.  Seriously, I felt like someone had dumped a pitcher of water over my head.

And I was a complete space cadet for about an hour after that class.

But then I felt...amazing!  I felt calm, I felt like my head was clear, I felt less stressed...

So I went back...the very next day.

And it was no where near as challenging as it was the first day.

So I went back that weekend...and I loved it!

So I've now added Bikram to my list of things I really enjoy.  Ideally I could go several times a week, realistically I strive for once a week.  There's something called the 30 day challenge where you go every day for 30 days, which I would love love love to do, but there is no way in hell it could happen with my schedule.  I really don't understand how anyone who is a parent, yet alone a working parent, yet alone a working, single parent could find the time to do that, but I digress.

Last year when I posted the original list, I mentioned at the very end that I was hoping to attend the Solstice in the the Square on my 30th birthday.  I didn't know if I could logistically make it happen, especially since it only happens on one day of the year (my bday!!), and I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment.

Essentially it's a yoga class in the middle of Times Square.  It's grown since it's first year from a handful of participants to THOUSANDS!  And it's kind of become a mini-yoga convention for the day.  Right in the middle of insanity.

I wanted to do this soooo badly.  By the time I had first heard about it last year there were no spots left, and registration was full.  Sad face.  So I really wanted to make the effort to attend this year.  The event is coordinated by the Times Square Alliance, and somehow I managed to get myself on their email list.  Back in February I started stalking their website, waiting for information about the event, and finally, several weeks later it was posted.

I immediately registered--for the Bikram class!!--and called my sister.  She registered too.  My friend Shannon registered (her bday is 3 days after mine, which makes it TODAY!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAN!!) and so did her friend Lauren.  I was so excited that this was really going to happen!!!

And so on my 30th birthday, we took the bus up to NYC bright and early and joined 1800 yogis and yoginis for a class IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE.

The theme was mind over madness: finding tranquility and transcendence in the midst of the world's most commercial and frenetic place.  Ummm, can we say AWESOME?

Now in a typical yoga studio you'd have calm and peace, the lights are often dimmed, and there are mirrors to help you achieve your desired postures.  In a typical Bikram Yoga studio it would be heated.  In the middle of Times Square it was frantic.  Advertisements, tickers and lights as far as the eye can see.  Thousands of gawkers walking around, staring at you, taking your picture.

Not to mention we were positioned right next to the red steps, so spectators just stood there and watched...definitely awkward during Dandayamana Bibhaktapada Paschimottanasana (say that five times fast).  But there was something pretty amazing during the introduction meditation and then again during savasana...there was this peacefulness that came over the whole area, as everyone in the class was quiet and still.  Like we were in our own little oasis of calm.  It was pretty amazing.

Anyway, enough talk, here are some photos of the event:

Tree pose:

 

 Standing bow pose:

 

My perspective:

I never noticed this before, but the Sanskrit for "om" looks very similar to a #30! (How appropriate):

Watching the evening session:

What an awesome way to spend a birthday.  And it's one that will go down in history, because the Times Square Alliance folks decided to stream live footage of the event on the internet

Take a look at this video. Yes, we decided to bomb that live stream.  My cameo starts at 1:13, & Neda at 1:42.  Her swan lake pose is at 2:00, then Shannon and I grand finale at 2:42.  Those little jumping heads are us (I'm in the teal, Neda's in the white/black and Shannon's in the grey).  HILARIOUS!

ॐ

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30 days straight is shred-iculous

13. Actually do that damn 30 day shred for 30 days straight. - DONE!

Take that Jillian.  Take that green-sports-bra-Anita.  Take that red-gym-shorts-Natalie.  Challenge me to 30 days and I call your bluff.  HA!!!  That's SHRED-ication!!!!

Good Lord, I'm glad that's over...

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30 days of shredication

"I love this. Really, I do. Really. I'm not lying. Nope, not at all."

SIGH.

13. Actually do that damn 30 day shred for 30 days straight.  - In progress...

Alright, so let's talk about working out.  I really do enjoy working out, for the most part.  There are plenty of things I enjoy doing that require physical activity.  I love dance.  I love aerobic classes.  I love the elliptical.  I have days when I really enjoy weight training.  I love running.  No, I don't, that's actually a total lie, I hate running.  But whatever.  Point is, for the most part I enjoy working out.

And I like going to the gym!

Problem is, there's just never enough hours in the day to go consistently.  Between working full time, carting around a three year old, and our hectic insane schedule of activities, my gym time is really limited.

And sometimes, I like to sleep.  You know, on occasion.

So while there are several opportunities to make it to the gym each week, I usually go twice a week.  Sometimes once a week.  Sometimes I skip a week. Shhh, don't tell.

When I was making up this list, I decided to put this absolute *gem* of a task on there.  To actually DO the 30 Day Shred for 30 days.  The 30 Day Shred is a video put out by the Biggest Loser's resident ass-kicker, Jillian Michaels.  You obviously don't HAVE to do it for 30 days, it's really just like any other workout video, but a 30 day committment is kind of the point.  A few years back a few of my friends were talking about it, so I ordered it from Amazon when it was on sale and figured I'd give it a whirl.  I don't really like home workout videos, but I admit, I did kinda like this one.

As my in-the-gym time has become scarcer and scarcer I wanted to try to see if I could meet Jillian's challenge.    

Here are the 30 Day Shred's stats:

• There are three levels of workouts
• Jillian combines three minutes of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs, rinse and repeat several times
• The entire thing is under 30 minutes (27 minutes, 44 seconds to be exact, but who's counting?)
• The content really isn't THAT hard, it's just that you don't stop.  Ever.
• There are two options, a "beginner" level and an "advanced" level.  Beginners should follow green-sports-bra-Anita.  Advanced Shredders follow red-gym-shorts-Natalie.

I've started and stopped this task several times over the past nine months...eventually missing a day, or just blatently skipping to be a rebel.  Finally with only 2 months until my 30 birthday, it's do or die time.

Day one was last Sunday.  I survived.  In fact Sunday, Monday and Tuesday all went off without a hitch.

Until Wednesday when my DVD player didn't want to work.  Tried several times, and nothing.  Kept saying, "bad disc."

You won't take me down that easy, DVD!

So I popped the DVD into my computer...and it just spun...and spun...and spun.  But wouldn't play.

Seriously, what the eff, DVD?  Like, I really don't WANT to be doing this anyway, and now you're practically HANDING me my excuse not to do it!!

I won't be taken down that easily.  I've already finished THREE STRAIGHT DAYS (that's 10%!) of my 30 days, and I didn't do those workouts for nothing.  I pulled out the big guns.  I YouTubed.

And while I don't recommend doing the 30 Day Shred on YouTube, I was able to do it.  In several installments.

TAKE THAT!!!

The next day my DVD player worked just fine.  Seriously, what the hell?  Like it forgot the incidents of the day before and how it rejected both my DVD player AND my computer. I think my DVD was just trying to test my committment.

So here we are.  As of yesterday Day 8 is complete.

Are we having fun, yet?  Anyone?  Anyone? 

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it's getting to be that time of year again...

 

2006, pre-pregnancy, 25th b-day in Vegas.  Yes we kept a really tidy room that trip...

1 year and 5 months later...last picture before we left for the hospital the day Sadira was born.  +52 pounds.  WOWZA.

16. Lose the last little bit of the baby weight - if I can even still call it that, haha!

Who am I kidding, it's not GETTING to be that time of year, it IS that time of year.  "What time of year?" you ask?  The time of year when the Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig ads start popping up on the TV left and right.  The time of year when the seasonal aisle at Target is getting replaced with fitness equipment and DVDs.  When gym memberships are "at an all time low!"  When everyone starts moaning and groaning about the holiday pounds they put on.  UGH.  It's not pretty.
 
So here's my back story of how lovely number 16 came to find it's way on my list. 
 
Back before I got pregnant with Sadira I was pretty happy with body.  After college, I had lost some weight and gotten pretty much exactly where I wanted to be.  Of course according to Satan's instrument (also known as the BMI calculator) I was technically just over the line and considered overweight, but I'll be completely honest and say I didn't care a bit.  I had actually been a bit smaller at one point (long, long ago...) and I was unhappy with the way I looked then...Persian (and half Persian!) women are curvy, and I like that...and I found when I got any lower in weight I started to lose some of the features I like about myself (AHEM, my butt...) and I couldn't have that.
 
So I was just happily going about life, dating my boyfriend, going to the gym, travelling, training for a half-marathon, when BOOM.   I got knocked up.  Well, that's not exactly how it happened, but that's not what this blog post is about. ;)  And over the course of next nine months I managed to gain an astonishing 52--yes FIFTY-TWO pounds.  Now before you think I just sat on my butt all day eating chocolates, I've gotta defend myself.  I continued to work out until month 5 of my pregnancy.  And for the most part I was able to keep up with my pre-pregnancy routine, with the support of my doctor.  With the exception of my love affair with sugar, I ate (and still eat) very healthy foods.  I haven't eaten fast food in years, actually over a decade and a half (I'm talking about McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell...that kind stuff.  I DO eat at Subway and places that offer healthy foods), and I drink tons of water.  I ENJOY working out.  It's a stress reliever for me, so that was a non-issue.
 
But then on the first day of my third trimester I broke my foot.  And I was in a cast & crutches for several weeks.  And guess what I did then? I sat on my butt all day eating chocolates. :)
 
Well, not JUST that, I did work full time and go to school, but I did eat a lot of chocolate.  I mean, a LOT.  And I love chocolate, a lot.  Seriously.  It's an addiction.  Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, doesn't matter I love it all.  I'm an equal opportunity chocolate lover.
 
Fifty.  Two.  Pounds.
 
So of course on November 7th when I was heading into the hospital I was hoping to deliver a 52 pound baby.  But she ended up only weighing 7 pounds 8 ounces. :)
 
"Hey, that's okay!" I told myself, "Just delivering alone I should lose like, 20 pounds, right?"  After all that's what you always hear..."it's all fluid, you'll lose that during delivery, don't worry!"
 
So of course on November 11th when I came home from the hospital I was excited to step on the scale and see what it said!  So I did.  And.....
 
I was only down 9 pounds.
 
Are you frickin' kidding me?  Nine pounds?  The baby alone was 7 and a half pounds, how could I have only lost 9 pounds in delivery?!!!!!!!!!!!!  What happened to my 20+ pound instant weight loss!?!?!?!?!?
 
(Deep breaths, Nasrene.)
 
After a pep-talk to myself I reminded myself that I was breastfeeding.  And if anything helps you lose the baby weight, it's breastfeeding, right????!! Wahoo!!  It's like the easiest workout in the world, sit there on the couch and nurse the baby and watch the weight just fall off.  Isn't that what everyone always says, "that weight will just FALL OFF when you nurse!"  It'll be fantastic! The baby weight will just MELT AWAY!  You can sit there and WATCH YOURSELF SHRINK IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY EYES!!
 
(Record skip sound effect)
 
DISCLAIMER: Losing weight was NOT the reason I chose to breastfeed Sadira.  There were many reasons much more important that losing weight.  But I WAS very much looking forward to the weight loss benefits everyone had told me about.
 
Continue.
 
And so I breastfed, and pumped, and breastfed, and pumped...and at 6 weeks postpartum I went to my doctor for my check-up.  I was excited to get on the scale and see what it said. After all, I had been eating well, walking pretty frequently, and Sadira was nursing like a champ!
 
So I stepped on the scale....
 
And I was down only 3 pounds.
 
WHAT THE FRACK!?!?!?  WHY WON'T THIS BABY WEIGHT COME OFF ALREADY!!?!?
 
I'm not gonna lie, I was PISSED.
 
So of my grand total of 52 pounds, I was only down 12 six weeks after delivery.  I knew other women who were already down to their pre-pregnancy weight by six weeks, and they weren't doing anything I wasn't doing!  How could this be????
 
And let me tell you about the glorious conversation with my doctor that came next.  It's really amazing.  It will knock your socks off, cause let me tell you, it certainly knocked off mine.
 
Are you ready?  This is good stuff.
 
My doctor (who I absolutely adored up until this point) said to me, "Nas, really you shouldn't be so upset."
 
I say, "Shouldn't be so upset?? I'm going to be stuck in maternity clothes for the rest of my life, and you're telling me I shouldn't be upset??!!"
 
He said, "Listen. You are actually very lucky.  For most women, breastfeeding helps then to lose weight.  But for other women, like you, their bodies' metabolism actually slows down while they are nursing to compensate for the extra expenditure of calories.  Your body is so smart that it KNOWS you have another life to support.  So it's SLOWING it's metabolic processes to make sure that you and the baby are fed.  Isn't that amazing??"
 
My jaw hit the ground.  He cannot be serious.  Only a man would say that.
 
Oh, but it gets better.
 
Then he said, "YOU, my dear, are EVOLUTIONARILY SUPERIOR.  In ancient times if there was a famine, or a natural disaster, YOU would be able to survive over other people because your body knows how to adapt!!  Isn't that amazing?!"
 
Stunned silence.
 
And I'm supposed to be thrilled about this?
 
But hey! I'm EVOLUATIONARILY SUPERIOR! (Insert eyeroll here).
 



So despite my attempts at eating healthy and working out, I could not lose more than 5 pounds the ENTIRE time I breastfed Sadira.  The scale didn't budge.  After 6 months she decided she was finished nursing, and I finally started seeing the scale move.
 
Then a whole bunch of nonsense happened.  Crazy relationship stuff, more ridiculous family stuff, and then I was job hunting for a new job.  It was a pretty stressful time.  And when I'm stressed I don't comfort eat...I actually do the opposite and stop eating.  So I lost a bunch of weight, but it wasn't in a healthy way.  It was an I'm-so-stressed-and-my-stomach's-in-knots-so-there's-no-way-I can-eat-a-meal way.  No bueno.
 
Of course once I got life under control again (and started eating like a human again instead of a bird) the weight came back on.  I re-started my healthy habits, I got my metabolism back under control.  I found a job! Things were good.
 
All in all, I was down about 32 of the 52 pounds I had gained during my pregnancy...I still had the last 20.  But pretty soon I was working full time, going to school full time and parenting full time.
 
It was exhausting and I just simply was running out of time. 
 
Between working all day, then coming home and trying to spend some quality time with my daughter before hitting the books, I could barely make it to the gym.  I would cook healthy meals but in really really large quantities so we had stuff to eat for lunches and dinners throughout the week.  Too often we went out to eat.  I was going to the gym less often.  I wasn't getting enough sleep at night.  Amazingly I didn't really gain or lose anything during this time.  I just kinda maintained.  I guess the good and the bad habits equally cancelled each other out.
 
And that's essentially been the last two years of my life since I've been in school.  I kept telling myself that once school was over I could get back into a better routine, get more disciplined and have more time to take care of me.  And then I gave myself a little break in December to enjoy the holidays.  And so here we are.  Back at the beginning. :)
 
"Let's start at the very be-ginning!!! A very good plaaaaace to staaaart!" (Julie Andrews voice). :)
 
To meet my goal for #16 I need to lose the last 20 pounds.  But my *real* goal is more like 30 pounds.  That will put me at the weight the I feel is ideal for me.
 
So how ironic is that?  30 before 30. ;)

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i could get used to this...

27. Do something kind for myself, that I would normally never do. - DONE!

My sister Neda and I are very much alike.  We share a dad, a sister, a last name and our initials.  We never lived in the same household at the same time.  We actually never lived in the same county together.  We have different moms and we are nine years apart.

But somehow we share the same brain.

We often finish each other's sentences or call one another up to tell a story when a very similar thing happened to the other one of us.  It really can be a little twilight zoney at times, but I love it, cause I always wanted a sister and God made me wait nine years to make sure I got just the right one.

We are also both very hard workers.  We work hard because we like to play hard and enjoy the fruits of our labors.  I couldn't be prouder of my sister because she knows the value of a dollar and contributes towards her own education.  We've both had times in our lives when we had lots of money at our disposal, and times when we've had none.  We've both learned that it's always best to be able to provide for yourself...to be able to pay your own bills and buy your own things, because you never know in this life what's going to happen, and to be able to support yourself at any time is liberating.

A lot of the tough lessons we've learned have come by way of our father, but that's another story that's not worth getting into tonight.

In any event, a few months ago I was wasting time at work surfing the internet when I saw the daily Groupon ad. For those of you who do not know what Groupon is, RUN (don't walk) to Groupon.com and sign yourself up for alerts in your closest city.  There's a daily deal each day and they are AWESOME.  Most of the time they are non-essentials, which is PERFECT cause who wants to pay full price for non-essentials anyway?

So on this particular day the Groupon was $35 for deep conditioning treatment and a blow dry at a nearby salon, plus $75 worth of other services.  All for $35.  A steal!! So I bought one for myself and one for my sister.  This was back in the spring.  We waited until just the right time to treat ourselves.

That time came on the Saturday before Labor Day weekend.  We both were in between semesters and had had busy summers.  Perfect time for a relaxing sister day.

So we headed down to the salon, and decided to each get a few more services, above our $75 allowance...this was a special occasion, right?!?

I got a hour massage, half hour facial, and pedicure in addition to my deep conditioning treatment and blow dry.

Neda got an hour massage, pedicure, hair cut (sassy new bangs!!!) and style in addition to her deep condition treatment and blow dry.

Afterwards we decided to get some lunch at a great Italian restaurant owned by the family of one of my college friends.  My friend's son, Luca, has been battling cancer for about 18 months now  The restaurant sells wine  and a portion of the proceeds are donated to The Johns Hopkins Sidney Kimmel Comprehensive Cancer Center Musculoskeletal Tumor Research Program in Luca's name.  Of course I had to buy a few bottles.

Next thing you know I'm making some crude joke about drinking the wine straight out of the bottle while still wrapped in the paper bag and my sister almost falls out of her chair saying, "I was about to say the SAME THING!!!"

We were sharing the brain that day. :)

Lest I forget....Wanna know the grand total for BOTH of us for all of that wonderfulness INCLUDING tips for all of the awesome ladies who de-stressed us?  Just around $300.  TOTAL.  For BOTH of us.  For four and a half hours worth of services at the salon.  Thank you Groupon for being that awesome.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a steal.  And well worth it.

As we were sitting there waiting for my pedicure to dry Neda said, "Ya know, I could really get used to this...."

Couldn't we all honey...couldn't we all!

PS - If anyone's interested in supporting Luca's cause or learning more about it, please visit Love for Luca's facebook page. Especially if you are in the Annapolis area.  They have some great fundraisers, including one coming up October 9th/10th.  Hopefully one day we'll see the end of cancer once and for all, but certainly no sweet little innocent baby should have to go through what these little ones have had to do in their short little lives. Luca recently had his last chemo treatment.  Let's hope all kiddos battling cancer make it to that awesome day, just like Luca has.  

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