prudent advice

26. Create my own book of "Prudent Advice" for Sadira

Last year I stumbled across the blog "Prudent Advice."  Being someone who loves lists I thought the idea was practical and sweet at the same time.  I soon learned that the author, Jaime Morrison Curtis, had recently published a book of Prudent Advice.   I had to purchase it, and read it within a couple evenings.  The book became my go-to book for new moms, or friends with daughters because I just loved it so much.  

I love that the advice given is not just the obvious like, "Use Your Manners,"  or "Cherish Your Siblings."  It's a bit more thoughtful...like little bits of wisdom that this woman had acquired so far over her life that she wanted to share with her daughter.  I loved it.  

Some of my favorites:

"212: Remember that most fairy tales were written by men.

Some of the greatest writers of children's fables were male: the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, even Walt Disney.  You are not a tiny princess awaiting rescue by a valiant man, a symbol of frailty and naïveté, or the punch line in a morality tale.  The women in those stories were crafted by a different sex at a different time for a different audience; these days you slay the dragon yourself."

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"318: Choose the window seat.

There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a rolling expanse of milk-white clouds as viewed from the window seat of an airplane.  It is miraculous: You are flying." 

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"327: A woman is "pregnant" not "preggers."

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"395: You don't have as much times as you think.

It all goes by so quickly, daughter.  You can't fathom it.  If you could, you would collapse from the weight of it - the unbearable comprehension of the brevity of your time on earth.  You will sadly discover that lives end in inconceivable ways and at puzzling times.  At certain moments, you will grasp the delicateness of your life.  Let them weigh on you; let them change you."

Source: Curtis, J. M. (2010) Prudent Advice: lessons

 for my baby daughter (a life list for every woman)

See what I mean?  Little pieces of genius wrapped up in beautiful words.

I knew I wanted to make my own list of Prudent Advice for Sadira, which is how Item #26 ended up on my list.  I'm not prepared to publish 500 things, like this author, but I'm working on it.  For now I'll start with a number that seems to be a recurrent theme around here: 30.

30 Pieces of Prudent Advice...for Sadira, with love.

1. Seriously consider combining black and navy together when choosing outfits.

I was taught that navy is the only color that does not "go" with black.  Apparently that rule has changed, but it still doesn't look or feel intuitive to me.  Proceed with caution when mixing these two colors.

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2. You will  hear a lot in our family about being a strong, independent woman, and I am confident that you will grow up to be one as well; however, never bring more into a relationship than a man does.  Your partner should be your equal, not your dependent.  The women's movement didn't happen to force women to do everything and be everything.  It happened so women could be equal partners.  Something very strange happens when a strong, independent woman enters into a relationship with a less than equivalent man.  Mostly, I've observed that it diminishes his masculinity, and gives him an excuse to not try as hard.  I'm sure many will disagree with me, but I know that you will one day go on to do great things, and I do not want you to have to support a partner who cannot at minimum meet you half way.

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3.  Let the record show that I do not see anything wrong with tattoos.  Despite the fact that I do not have any myself, I have seen many a tattoo that I thought to be beautiful and meaningful.  I just ask that in the future when you consider a tattoo you apply the One Year Test. The One Year Test means you must remain committed to a particular design for one year before tattooing it permanently on your body.  This decreases the likelihood of you having regrets later down the line.  I created you, and your little body is pristine.  I would hate for it to be tainted by something you regretted later in life.  However, if you choose something special and meaningful to you (enough to pass the One Year Test), I promise to go with you, and hold your hand while you get ink'd.

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4.  Drink lots of water.

It keeps you hydrated, less hungry, clears your skin, regulates your metabolism and body temperature, detoxifies, and helps just about all of your vital organs work better and more efficiently.  Drink it.

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5.  When learning to walk in heels, remember everything you learned in ballet class.  Stay balanced on the balls of your feel like you are walking en relevé.  Imagine a string is pulling you up from the center of the top of your head, making your spine as straight as possible.  Walk lightly, but confidently.  Nothing is more unattractive or painful looking that a woman slumped over clumping along in a pair of shoes.

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6.  Don't put anything on the internet that you wouldn't want your father or I to see. 

Everything you put out there leaves a digital footprint with your name on it.

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7.  Stay abreast of current events.

Not only is it good in conversation, but it reminds you to think of the world beyond yourself.

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8.  The secret to chocolate chip cookies is simple.

If you want a thin, crispier cookie, slightly reduce the amount of sugar you use and increase the amount of butter.  If you want a chewy, gooey cookie (my favorite!) decrease the amount of butter and add some extra sugar.  Extra brown sugar is particularly delicious.

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9.  Speak up.

When in a discussion, debate, or even light conversation.  Chances are there is someone who feels the same way you do, but they're afraid to say it out loud for fear of dissonance.  Remaining silent implies that you are in agreement, even if you are not.

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10.  When possible, take a nap.

You won't realize til later in life just how precious the luxury of an afternoon nap is.  Indulge and indulge as often as possible.  I promise you won't miss anything while you're asleep.  And I've never heard one person say, "Man, I really regret that nap I took..."

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11. Don't start a sentence with "no offense, but..."

The person you are speaking to will automatically take a stance on the offensive, and then feel as if they cannot rightfully disagree with you.  It's such a cop-out phrase.  Challenge yourself to be able to use the English language adequately enough that you can express you opposing point without having to state this over-used disclaimer first.

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12.  Dance it out.

Dance often and without reserve.  You do this now, and I love it.  We do this together at home to unwind after a long day.  Don't become inhibited about how fun letting loose and dancing really is.  Dance when you're happy, dance when you're stressed, dance when your child is throwing a temper tantrum and you have no idea how to stop it.  No one can continue to be pissed off when you're dancing around like a lunatic.  Enjoy it.

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13.  Just because "it's the way we've always doing it," doesn't mean it's the right way.

Challenge the standards if you think they could be better.  If people always accepted "the way things are" then slavery would still be legal, women wouldn't have the right to vote, and segregation would still be practiced.

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14.  Always check for toilet paper before you close the door in a public restroom.

You'll probably forget I told you this, though, and learn the hard way.  It happens to all of us.

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15.  Don't be a cheater.

Not on board games, not on exams, and not on your boyfriend.

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16.  Don't use sarcasm as a vehicle to hurt feelings.

Just because it's funny, doesn't mean it's not hurtful.  People will remember when you hurt them.  You never want to compromise someone's feelings just to make a sarcastic joke.  Especially not someone who is a friend.

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17.  Vaccinate your children.

This became a hot topic when I was pregnant with you.  However, it is a luxury of a first world country to be able to deny vaccines which have saved lives all over the world.  Just don't do it.  Relying on herd immunity is not only selfish, it's dangerous.

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18.  Music makes everything better.

Even a boring drive in the car can be made infinitely better by rolling down the windows and cranking the music up.  Learn how to appreciate all different genres of music, because they all offer something different.  Except country. ;-)  (Kidding)

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19.  It's okay to change your mind.

Whether it's about what restaurant you want to go to, what school you want to attend, or if you want to marry someone or not.  It's never too late to change your mind.

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20.  When in doubt or distress, come home.

There is something good for the soul about coming back to you home and letting your Mommy take care of you.  Even if you're 35 years old.  No matter where you go in life, how old you get, or how big of a family you create for yourself, my home will always be your home too.  And I'll always be willing to take you in and take care of you with open arms.

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21.  It's not always necessary to "Reply to All" when responding to a mass email.

Tread lightly when clicking that button and make sure you always know your audience.

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22. Learn the rules of any sport you enjoy playing or watching.

It's in your blood to be a football fan.  I just don't want you to grow up to be that girl who screams and yells and trash talks at games, and then whispers to her boyfriend, "what just happened?"  Learn the rules of the game.  It makes being a spectator so much more exciting when you know what's going on.

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23.  While we're on the topic of sports, stick by your team even through the tough times.

This can be tough (trust me, I'm an Orioles' fan), but no one likes a fair-weather fan.  And loyalty has become such a rare commodity in today's society.  Declare your allegiances and stick by them.

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24.  There IS an easy way to clean the inside of a microwave.

In a small glass bowl mix 1 cup of white distilled vinegar with 1 cup of water.  Place it in the center of the microwave and heat for 5 minutes, or until the water comes to rolling boil.  Then remove the bown, and wipe off the inside of the microwave using a damp paper towel.

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25.  The healthier the foods are that you eat, the less you have to be concerned with counting calories or portion control.  This is because your body will be nourished and not asking 30 minutes later for you to fill it up with junk.  You truly are what you eat.

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26.  And while we're on the topic of nutrition, fad diets are just that...fads.

There is only one true way to "lose weight," and that is to eat less and move more.  It's really simple math that no pill, or powder, or book, or potion with beat; however if you try to stick to #25 as much as possible, you most likely won't ever have to worry about this.

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27.  When someone pays you a compliment, smile and say "thank you."

Do not disagree, or stammer, or argue, it's impolite.  If someone is expressing a positive feeling towards you, you should be accepting and open to receive.

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28. Wear a bright color on a rainy day.

It will cheer you up, and you in turn will cheer up those around you.

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29.  Understand that your parents are people and make mistakes.

I'm sure once you're an adult you'll be able to identify the multiple mistakes that Daddy and I made in parenting you as you grew up.  And these mistakes are most certainly going to be blamed for whatever difficult life situation you are going through.  But just remember this...it is a sign of maturity to be able to recognize that your parents are just people too, and are capable of making mistakes along the way.  Just know that anything we did in our lives concerning you was done out of love and with your best interests at heart.  So please, when we're old and grey, go easy on us.

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Which bring me to my list piece advice...

30. Be kind.

Come from a place of kindness whenever possible.  Kind to yourself, kind to nature, kind to animals, kind to your friends, kind to strangers.  It's amazing what just a small act of kindness can achieve and how much it can change the course of a person's day or life.  Be kind, and be kind often.  Others will take note and follow your lead.

 

 Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there!