fear....a preview...

1. Conquer a fear

(For the record, Sadira is apparently afraid of crystal clear water on the Hawaiian beaches. That picture above was taken last year. She was screaming, "Mommy, help me! Help me! I scared! HEEEELP!"

Seriously, Sadie? REALLY?)

A few weeks ago I was home and saw a huge spider in my bathroom. Long, spindly legs, beady little eyes (okay, I'm being dramatic) but the thing was HUGE. And I am PETRIFIED of spiders. Legitimately petrified. I don't care that I'm larger than the spider, the thing terrifies me. I can't even take a paper towel and squish a spider, because that involves GETTING TOO CLOSE. Ew! Being the adult in the household over the past few year I've come up with several creative ways for killing spiders depending on their size, or location in my house. These methods include:

1. Spraying it with a household cleaner and poisoning it to death (Formula 409 is my cleaner of choice---it's just toxic enough).


2. Throwing something at it, to knock it down and then dropping a large, heavy book on it (Sorry Riverside Shakespeare :( ).


3. Vacuuming it up with the Dyson (but make sure to empty the vacuum out asap---don't want to give the vermin a second chance to sneak out...)


4. Cry and call a neighbor to help you (Thanks Rene...).
   

So when I saw this arachnoid invader, I immediately started going down the list of killing methods, to determine how I was going to get rid of this one...Luckily he was on my bathroom ceiling over the shower. One quick swipe with a fly swatter sent him into the tub, where I swiftly turned on the water and sent him to a watery death.

Death by drowning. Nasrene 1, Spider 0. :)

My heart was still racing from the adrenaline of killing him and I instantly thought--yes! I just conquered a fear!! I killed a spider without crying! I did it! :)

But then I realized that crossing off #1 from my list just 'cause I killed a spider was kind of lame. I mean, that's not really anything to be proud of. I know there are people who can kill spiders without even blinking, and they would think I was totally lame for actually being PROUD of myself....

LAME.

sigh.

So I gots to thinking. I got to thinking about my fears. Yes, I'm scared of spiders, but I'm also scared of throwing up. I'm scared of something horrible happening to any of my family members. I'm scared of drowning. But these are not fears I really want to conquer---there's not really a way to conquer them, I just accept the fear, hope it never happens, and move on.

So I thought some more.

I'm scared of heights.

To clarify I'm not scared of heights in that I cannot go to the top of tall buildings, or I won't go in airplanes, or roller coasters...I'm scared of heights if there is a threat of falling...if there is a chance I could fall to my death. I've been to the top of many a tall building, heck I've been to the top of the Eiffel Tower on three separate occasions, and yes, while it was intimidating, I wasn't SCARED. Because I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I was safe. I wasn't going to fall off.

I will never be brave enough to go skydiving. I wish I could, but I know myself well enough to know it would never happen. I'd have a heart attack and die before I got to the ground. Even watching videos of others sky diving makes my heart race and my palms sweaty. I just have a natural SURVIVAL instinct that is so strong it prohibits me from seeing the adventure/fun side of skydiving and constantly tells me that hurling oneself out of a plane at several thousand feet up is NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Can't do it.

Bungee jumping? Ehhh..the biologist in me just thinks about the anatomy and physiology side of it. It's not so much the fear of falling (which I still have fear of), but the thought of the recoil as the bungee hurls you back up to the sky that turns me off. That can't be good for the spinal column, right?

So I started thinking about an event my friend is organizing. She launched this event last year and was extremely successful. I got to be a spectator during the planning stages and media events, and I know how hard she worked. I also know that it's for a very very very good cause, and a great organization. This event, however, involves rappelling 23 stories down the side of building in Baltimore. Sounds like a ball of fun, huh? Yikes.

This is it: http://overtheedge.dojiggy.com/

I talked to Rene about this event and she said the scariest part, isn't necessarily the heights (totally scary), it's the fact that you have to give up control and lean back and trust the ropes to hold you (oh fantastic, that sounds so much better). She didn't even mention the part where you have CLIMB OVER THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING AND WALK DOWN IT.

But nevertheless, it seems appropriate. Participating in this event will cross #1 off my list, will help raise money for a worthy organization and give everyone a good laugh as I cry like a baby and cling to the side of Silo Point.

My tummy hurts just thinking about it...