365 project - weeks thirty-eight, thirty-nine and forty

13. Take a picture every day for one year.

 

3.8.12

At the doctor's office and very unhappy about it.

 

3.9.12

Ravensnation!  Found this spray painted on the ground in our neighborhood. We're hardcore, even in the off-season!

 

3.10.12

Lorax lunch was fun for adults as well as the kiddos. 

 

3.11.12

St. Patrick's Day Parade in Baltimore.  Being 25% Irish, Sadira was very serious about today's festivities.

 

3.12.12

Crayola crayons that used to be mine. Circa 1983.

 

3.13.12

At the Target striking a pose.

 

3.14.12

Cheerful!  A bright smile and matching bright outfit. 

 

3.15.12

Yellow honeydew: sweet and delicious! 

 

3.16.12

Spring has sprung!  How gorgeous are these blooms?!?

 

3.17.12

I've been wanting to take a picture of this mural on Key Highway for ages!  But it's nearly impossible considering there's no sidewalk, nowhere to park, and on a curve in the road. Thanks to the new shops at McHenry Row, we got the view from above. 

 

3.18.12

Winefest at Boordy!  With some great friends and several empty bottles of wine by the end of the day. 

 

3.19.12

No thanks, I'll skip the stairs.  This is how Sadira insists on leaving the house this Monday morning. 

 3.20.12

Lorax fever! Even Poppop's speaking for the trees. 

 

3.21.12

Keep calm and buy shoes. Definitely my mantra. 

 

3.22.12

Mini princess as sweet as can be!

 

3.23.12

Princess tats cause that's how we roll. 

 

3.24.12

Rain, rain, go away...we're driving to Connecticut today. 

 

3.25.12

Just hangin' with the girls...one on the outside and one on the inside. 

 

3.26.12

Beautiful monarch at the Butterfly Garden in the Boston Science Museum. So cool to get up close and personal with so many of these beauties. 

 

3.27.12

Slap me five!  Sadie got a high-five from a sting ray at the Boston Aquarium. Lucky girl! 

 

3.28.12

Glowing!  Fun before bedtime with some glow in the dark bracelets from the dollar section. 

Week One

Week Two

Week Three

Week Four

Week Five 

Weeks Six and Seven 

Weeks Eight and Nine

Weeks Ten and Eleven 

Weeks Twelve and Thirteen 

Weeks Fourteen and Fifteen

Weeks Sixteen and Seventeen

Weeks Eighteen and Nineteen

Weeks Twenty, Twenty-one, and Twenty-two 

Weeks Twenty-three, Twenty-four and Twenty-five

Weeks Twenty-six, Twenty-seven and Twenty-eight  

Weeks Twenty-nine, Thirty and Thirty-one

Weeks Thirty-two, Thirty-three and Thirty-four  

Weeks Thirty-five, Thirty-six and Thirty-seven

For my complete project, visit: NassyMirjaf's 365 Project.

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am i a bad mom?

"Do you think I'm a bad mom?" a friend asked me not too long ago.

"What??"  I had no idea what she was talking about.

"A bad mom?  Do you think I'm a bad mom?"  she repeated.

"Why in the world would I think that?"

"I feel like a bad mom."  She said.  She went on to explain that she was overwhelmed with parenting.  She had just gotten a call from her son's teacher who was explaining that she needed to spend more time in the evening reading with him.  She's a working mom, has two young children, and by the time she gets home, gets dinner on the table, gets her kids situated, gets the house taken care of, gets the kids bathed, gets EVERYTHING done, it's already past bedtime, they haven't spent the recommended "20 minutes per night" of reading that his teacher is recommending, and she felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the everyday expectations that none of --NONE OF US--can truly meet and still feel like a normal, rational human being.

She started explaining herself, stating her case, looking for areas where she could "make more time," getting herself MORE worked up, and said, "Am I a bad mom because I can't find an extra 20 minutes per night to read to my kid?" and that's when I blurted out, "you're NOT a bad mom!  You're not a bad mom because you're actually asking that question.  Bad moms don't worry about whether their bad moms or not.  They don't worry about their parenting skills. They don't care.  That's why their bad moms. YOU are a great mom. Stop beating yourself up."

It was like a lightbulb went off in both of our brains.


I think this is a question that all of us, as mothers, have wondering about ourselves at one point or another.

Am I a good mom?
Am I doing everything I can?
Is my kid going to need therapy as an adult cause I screwed this parenting thing up?
Am I doing something ass backwards and ruining my child?
Am I doing too much?
Is my kid a brat?
Is my kid on par with his friends?

Did I miss something?


We're not perfect moms, but we're far from bad moms.  We're all just doing the best we can with what we've got.


For some reason I'm really good at giving out advice, or thinking of "the right thing to say" when a friend is upset.  I'm not always so great about listening to my own advice later down the road when faced with the same question.


A few weeks later I was talking to a different friend.  Strangely, this blog came up in conversation.  She said, "I loved the post you wrote the other day...but I have to admit...sometimes your blog makes me feel like a bad mom."

"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"It does.  It's not your fault, but you just do so much with Sadira, and I feel like I'm not doing enough for my kids.  It's makes me feel like I need to do more.  I feel like you two have such a happy life."

"Are you serious right now?" I really couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I explained to her that this blog is a memory log...it's a list of things I want to accomplish, and obviously Sadira is a huge part of my life, so usually she's involved in the activities too.  It's a collection of the happy, fun things that we've done together.  I don't blog about my day-to-day life, because the purpose of this blog was never to be a journal.  But if I did, there would be more stories of frustration, annoying, patience-testing, and other similar things that parents of young children experience.  This blog is different, and was never meant to document "a typical day in my life."  I'm blogging about the overall, the fun, the happy, the things I want to remember.  I don't really feel the need to blog about the struggles.  I may allude to them, but I don't choose to write about them in a public forum.

I deal with difficulty differently.  I speak about it to friends.  I talk it out, a lot.  I think about it, and talk about it some more.  But I don't write about.  And certainly not on a public blog.

So while my life IS very happy and full, not every day is roses and sunshine as some may think.  I just don't use THIS forum to talk about the tough times publicly.  If that comes across as phony, or like my life is "perfect," I'm sorry.  That's certainly not my intention.  It's just my preference to use this to record different memories...the happy ones, that usually involve friends who like to look back and read over our memories too.

And most importantly it was never, NEVER my intent to make anyone that I care about feel like a bad mom.



So flash forward to this week.  I've been a bit stressed at work, I'm closing on the refinance on my house this week, so juggling that, and feeling the crunch of coming home from an expensive vacation (Disney last week! Ahh!) on both my workload and my pocketbook.  My house is just beginning to look like it's pieced back together again.  There's been a lot on my mind.

And I started doubting myself.  Started thinking about all of the things I could be doing better, how I haven't gone to the gym a single day since we returned from our vacation, how I have a project at work that I really need to work on from home every night this week, but I also need to get all of the laundry finished that I STILL haven't washed from our vacation, and a host of other things...

And then that little voice popped into the back of my head, "Am I a bad mom?"

I seriously started thinking that.

And I know the answer is no, I'm not a bad mom, I'm just a busy mom, but that little voice just stuck there...in the back of my brain.


Then last night I was at my grandmother's house.  She somewhat absentmindedly mentioned to me that her neighbor had taken her kids to Sesame Place (a theme park in Pennsylvania) and they had SO MUCH FUN, and have I ever taken Sadie there?  Because she would probably really really enjoy it!  (Which resulted in Sadira saying, "yeah Mommy, can we go to Sesame Place??!!")

I resisted the urge to scream, "ARE YOU KIDDING WE JUST GOT BACK FROM DISNEY WORLD!!!!"

But I didn't. I just said, "No, we've never been.  I meant to try to go last year, but we never made it."

My grandmother didn't say anything else about it.  She quickly changed the topic, and I'm sure she forgot we even had the (brief) conversation.  But for some reason it stuck in my head.  I remember when Sadira was little and some friends were getting ready to move out of the area, they planned a trip to Sesame Place and invited us along. I declined, though, opting to wait til Sadie was older, since she was awfully little at the time, and I didn't want to spend money on a trip I didn't think she'd even remember.

And now she's pretty much outgrown Sesame Street.

So this morning (THE NEXT DAY, can you believe it? WHY was I still thinking about this?!) as I'm walking around the living room with my bowl of Cheerios in hand, I was thinking,

"Am I a bad mom cause I never took Sadira to Sesame Place?"

Attention Moms of the World, do you hear how absurd this statement is?

 

For the record, Sadie doesn't even care that much for Sesame Street or Sesame characters...she never really got into it (much to my dismay, since it was my childhood obsession!)

Then I remembered the conversation I had had with my friend weeks earlier...that if you even have to ASK the question of yourself, "Am I a bad mom?" then you know what the answer is.  ESPECIALLY when you're asking yourself that question about something as superficial as a trip to a theme park.

 

Good Lord, no.  Of course I'm not a bad mom because of that.  I'm not a bad mom at all!

And then as I was getting ready for work, I thought of all the other little "reasons" why I've felt like a bad mom before.  And I'm going to write them all out right here.  Just so we can all see how absolutely ridiculous they are.

Am I a bad mom because I never took Sadira to Sesame Place?

Am I a bad mom because Sadira still hasn't learned to swim all the way by herself?

Am I a bad mom because when it's not a school night I'm flexible, and sometimes waaaay to late with bedtime?

Am I a bad mom because I'm strict when it comes to behavior?  Because I know how well she's CAPABLE of behaving, and when she acts out (or more like a typical 4 year old) I get angry with her?

Am I a bad mom because I didn't try harder with Sadie's dad?  Because I didn't marry him or try harder to "make it work" for her sake?

Am I a bad mom because we are happy with our unconventional family?  Is this teaching her to disrespect the sacrament of marriage?

Am I a bad mom because I don't buy her a birthday gift each year? Because I feel like her party is her gift, and that's sufficient?

Am I a bad mom because I won't let her "play" on my cell phone or iPad?  Because I feel that these are MY things, and she has enough things that are hers, I don't need to share MY electronics too?

Am I a bad mom because I limit her toys?  And when my grandmother starts to send her home with too many new things I make her donate some of her older toys?

Am I a bad mom because I hate hate hate hate hate having toys in my living room/dining room or really anywhere on the first floor?

Am I a bad mom because when I see my friends post on Facebook things like, "Who in the world would have their child out at a restaurant/Target/grocery store/{insert other public place here} at 10pm at night?" I'm usually tempted to raise my hand and say, "ME!  Sadie and I are often those people!"?

Am I a bad mom because at least one night we eat dinner out, because I just don't have it in me to cook?

Am I a bad mom because I refused to listen to kids songs in the car?

Am I a bad mom because as a result of outlawing kids songs in the car, Sadie often hears songs with language not suitable for a four year old?
Am I a bad mom because I'm estranged from my father?  Is it bad that Sadira will never have a relationship with her grandfather, even though she bears his last name?

Am I a bad mom because I frequently slip up and say "shit, damn, ass, or hell" in Sadie's presence, even though I try not to? And instead of working harder on watching my tongue I've taught her that they are words that adults can say but not kids?

Am I a bad mom because I didn't try harder to pump after Sadira weaned herself at 6 months and stopped breastfeeding?

Am I a bad mom because I did not volunteer to chaperone any of her field trips last year?

Am I a bad mom because she doesn't have a TV in her room (and won't probably until she's a teenager, if ever)?

Am I a bad mom because I don't have a college fund for Sadira, and I expect her to finance her own college education just as I did?

Am I a bad mom because I won't let Sadira have a Nintendo DS? or Wii?  or Xbox?

You're probably reading some of those things thinking, "why the hell would think that would make you a BAD mom?  If anything it might make you a better mom!"  

Or you may be reading some of those things and thinking, "well, it's not what I would do, but it certainly doesn't make you a bad mom!"

Or you may be saying, "uhhh..yeah, Nas, you're a pretty crappy, strict mom...."

The beautiful thing is, whatever you answered, I don't care.

I know deep down what works for our family.  I know what's working for us, and what wouldn't.  And I know that at the end of the day I'm doing the best I can, making the best decisions for us, and working with what I've got.  

We all could be doing this parenting thing differently, but we do what works for us...and that NEVER makes us bad moms.

So next time you start to think to yourself, "Am I a bad mom because {insert ridiculous standard here}?"  Remind yourself that just by asking yourself that question you already know the answer.

And I promise I'll try to remember to do the same.

             

Because we are effin' awesome moms.

  

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365 project - weeks thirty-five, thirty-six, and thirty-seven

13. Take a picture every day for one year.

2.16.12

J'adore.  I adore every little bit of her.

2.17.12

Why yes, that is a giant stuffed reindeer in our playroom.

2.18.12

Spring cleaning has begun! Nothing like making her earn her keep around here via manual labor.

2.19.12

Crockpot lasagna changed my life. Yummmmm.

2.20.12

It's gonna be a good day even if it's a Monday. Because with cool new shoes and bright red "stockins" you can't have a bad day.

2.21.12

Laissez le bon temps rouler! 

Let the good times roll! It's Mardi Gras, and we welcome any opportunity to celebrate.

2.22.12

Roasted brussel sprouts.  They are absolutely delicious, I swear.

2.23.12

Playing beads.  Just another day around the way.

2.24.12

Happy 10 days after Valentine's Day!  We decided to finally make our heart pepperoni pizza.

2.25.12

Follow the yellow brick road...all the way to Olivia's 5th birthday party!

2.26.12

Tuck on the high bar.  It's the last day of gymnastics this session, and the kids are showing off all their favorite moves. This is Sadie's fave. 

2.27.12

Yello robot...her favorite spot in Patterson Park.

2.28.12

Living room side table.  I've always loved the detail on this simple little piece of furniture.

2.29.12

Mini yogini has been practicing her yoga all night and was thrilled when I gave her my spare yoga mat (a complimentary gift from Solstice in the Square!) 

3.1.12

A blurry view through the window at dance. Watching the first class finish their lesson. 

3.2.12

Happy Birthday Doctor Seuss! We "celebrated" by inventorying every single Doctor Seuss book in the house, and choosing one all time favorite. The winner was, "Oh, the Thinks you will Think!" 

3.3.12
The south facing clock face from the inside of the Bromo-Seltzer Tower! A Baltimore landmark.

3.4.12
Dinner at Harbor East. We visited Sadie's Daddy at his work to grab a bite to eat.

3.5.12
Duck pond. What a perfect evening for a stroll around Patterson Park.

3.6.12
Nightly yoga. Nothing like feeling centered after a long day at pre-school.

3.7.12
Sadira wrote her first story!!!!! "I have one pet. Her name is Viv. She is a cat. She is a girl."

Week One

Week Two

Week Three

Week Four

Week Five 

Weeks Six and Seven 

Weeks Eight and Nine

Weeks Ten and Eleven 

Weeks Twelve and Thirteen 

Weeks Fourteen and Fifteen

Weeks Sixteen and Seventeen

Weeks Eighteen and Nineteen

Weeks Twenty, Twenty-one, and Twenty-two 

Weeks Twenty-three, Twenty-four and Twenty-five

Weeks Twenty-six, Twenty-seven and Twenty-eight  

Weeks Twenty-nine, Thirty and Thirty-one

Weeks Thirty-two, Thirty-three and Thirty-four 

For my complete project, visit: NassyMirjaf's 365 Project.

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get your preak on!

29. Go to the Preakness - DONE!


**DISCLAIMER:  I was finishing off this blog post Friday afternoon.  When I was just about finished I got word the Triple Crown contender I'll Have Another was scratched from the race.  So I pouted like a baby, stomped my feet a bit, and failed to finish off my post.  I'm over it now, but decided not to go back and change the text.**

So with less than 24 hours til the Belmont Stakes (and a *potential* triple crown!) and less than two weeks til I turn Thirty-Fun I figured it was time that I post an update.

I've always wanted to go to the Preakness in what I call the "right" way.  Let me explain.  The Preakness Stakes are second of three major horse races that make up the Triple Crown (the other two being the Kentucky Derby and Belmont Stakes).  But there are two ways to attend Preakness..the infield, and the grandstands.

While I know many people who enjoy a day in the infield, I have to say I went once when I was 22 and I was MIS-ER-A-BLE.  Twenty-two.  As in "the age when you should enjoy partying in the sun, and all day long drinking with a bunch of belligerent idiots."  Now understand, I was in the throes of my party girl days, and I could hang just as much as any other college co-ed my age.  HOWEVER, even I could not stand the annoying drunken douchebaggy debauchery that went on in the infield and I swore NEVER AGAIN!

It just wasn't my thing.  At 22.  When drinking and partying were very much my thing.

So this year I really wanted to do it up right--complete with fancy hat and dress.  I wanted to sip Black Eyed Susan's all day and say things like, "well, I do declare!"  I wanted to look like a fancy lady of leisure, and if I could've found little white gloves to wear I would've rocked them too.

Only problem is I needed someone to go with me!



So I asked around...


and a few friends were going to the infield...


a few were coming in from out of state, but they already had tickets...


Everyone said it "sounded like so much fun!" but no one seemed to really want to go.


WOMP WOMP.


Boooooo.....



So I kinda gave up on my fancy Preakness hopes.




Until one day, when my neighbor Sutton and I were out and about on a beautiful day.  We decided to take advantage of the summer-like weather and head to Federal Hill Park (a favorite of mine, and one she had not yet been to since moving to Baltimore).  It was a beautiful day, see?

Somehow we got on the topic of the Preakness. 

Sutton:  "So I totally would love to go to the Preakness, but if I went I'd have to sit in the stands, I couldn't do the infield."

Me (somewhat absentmindedly):  "Yeah, me too, I did the infield one year, and it was just exhausting...I want to get dressed up."

Sutton: "Me too.  And I looked at the price of tickets, and they really aren't THAT terribly expensive for grandstand seats."

Me (cue lightbulb going off in my brain):  "WAIT.  Are you saying that you'd actually want to get tickets and go?  Not like, theoretically IF you went you'd want to sit in the stands and dress up...you mean you'd actually GO?  Like get tickets and go?  And dress up?

Sutton: "Oh totally."

Me: "I WILL TOTALLY GO WITH YOU! It's on my 30 list!"

Sutton: "NO WAY!!!! I'M IN!  We're so going."

***screaming and squealing, followed by lots of "ohmygod, I have to find a dress!" and "ohmygoodness, we gotta get hats!"  and "aaaccckk! this is going to be awesome!"***

And so it was decided.

We even decided we had to go to Target THAT DAY and try on some sunhats...just to see, and ya know, get ourselves MORE excited.

Tickets were purchased, and then the most important part--the search for the perfect Preakness outfit--began.


(You would think this would be the easiest part.)


I went through my closet, and while I found several dresses that probably could work, there was nothing that I was head over heels in love with, so the following Sunday after gymnastics Sadira and I set off for the mall.

I decided to go to my best bet for finding something cute with limited time--Macy*s.  Lord knows I love me some Macy*s.  And to my luck they had a whole Preakness section!

 

But sadly everything I really liked look like ass on me.  And everything that looked good on me, was either out of my price range, or was too matronly.  After two and a half hours, we left Macy*s empty-handed.  Boooo....

Someone had suggested going to Dress Barn...but I've never been in a Dress Barn, and I'm also hesitant of buying something from a place that sounds like its designing for livestock versus fun, fancy ladies.  

I passed on the Dress Barn.

And somehow ended up in the Gap.

And just when I started to feel hopeless I found not one, but TWO fantastic dresses (on clearance no less).  

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) 

I also managed to find a hat in an accessories shop.  It was a good day.

So of course when I got home I called Sutton right away.  She lives right next door so we both decided to try on our dresses and stand on our porches so we could get feedback.  This resulted in more screaming and squealing.

I'm sure the other neighbors were very confused.

So the day of the 137th Annual Preakness Stakes actually arrived on May 19th.  I dropped Sadie off to my mom bright and early.  I told my mom I was going to bet on Bodemeister, and Sadie looked at me very seriously, and said, "No Mommy, you gotta bet on I'll Have Another."  

Not a word of explanation, just a firm direction from the mini-sage that she is.

I filed away her suggestion and headed home to begin the primping process.

By noon we were ready to go.

The first half of the day was full of finding our parking lot, finding our correct entrance, finding our seats, finding a drink, finding some food, finding out where to place our bets, finding out HOW to place our bets, finding another drink, finding an ATM, finding out how close we could get to the finish line when we didn't actually have grandstand apron box tickets, finding another drink, finding my friend Kate so we could say hi...

...oh yeah, and there were some of races going on that we kinda of paid attention to every now and then.

But seriously, it was like one big scavenger hunt of fun.  The outfits were awesome, our seats were under a canopy so we weren't sitting in the blazing sun, and the air was thick with excitement.

Did I mention the outfits were awesome?  

There were hats, and fascinators, and pearls, and white gloves, and dresses galore for the ladies.  For the men, there were bowties, and suspenders, and caps, and critter pants (Sutton's favorite) and wing-tipped shoes.  Seriously men of the 137th Preakness, you did not disappoint.  This may have been one and only day that I truly felt like I was living below the Mason-Dixon line in Baltimore.

And the manners!  Holy Lord, everyone in the stands were on their best behavior.  I can't tell you how many times we were complimented, or one of the young men would say to their friends, "step aside for the ladies!" as we would come down the steps, or someone would say, "I just love your hat!"  

Again, completely forgot I was in Baltimore.

And I also completely forgot it was 2012.  It felt like we had stepped back in time.  Like, I was waiting to hear, "Say, you two ladies wanna meet at the speakeasy and get splifficated after the race?  Or maybe catch the latest talkie, it's the bees knees!"

And of course Sutton and I couldn't get enough of it.  I love any opportunity to dress up and put on a show, and she loves high society.  Win-win.

So sometime around 6pm, they started setting up for the  BIG race.   Everyone started making their way back to their seats.  There's so much anticipation before the actual race, that when that bugle call goes off and horses start to run your adrenaline goes from zero to sixty.   As they started to approach the finish line, Bodemeister had a clear lead, but as they passed in front of us I'll Have Another was quickly gaining on him. 

As they closed in on the finish line we were all on our feet, jumping up and down and screaming.  So much so, that we had no idea who had actually one!  I yelled at Sutton, "who won?!" and she yelled back (while jumping up and down, "I have no idea!"  After watching the replay, we could see that I'll Have Another edged out Bodemeister just as he had done at the Kentucky Derby by a nose.

What a thrill!

We collected on our bets, (me $21 on Sadie's $5 bet, and Sutton $8 and some change on her $2 bet...oh yeah, we go big ;-)  and started to make our way out to the parking lot.

And when we finally make it to our car, it took us two hours---yes, you read correctly--two hours to actually get OUT of the lot.  So we made the most of it, making friends, watching the drunken shenanigans of the infielders (which included dancing on top of a van and climbing out of cars via sunroofs), and looking through the pictures we had taken.

Here are a few of my favorites:

It was a great day, and here's hoping that I'll Have Another (Sadie's favorite horse) can pull out the Triple Crown win at Belmont!

***EPILOGUE:  Sadly I'll Have Another was scratched from the race on Belmont's eve, but it was another thrilling win nonetheless. Congrats to Union Rags who overcame Paynter to win "by a neck."***

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